Women, Vekllei

An amendment to this previous essay: Utopie Concrete.

Some years ago, I wrote a kind of manifesto for my work on this site and what I’m doing with it. It was called Utopie Concrète, and the basic premise was that you can take utopian fiction seriously. The second part of that essay included some self-criticism about the way women appear in Vekllei.

Women are of course all over Vekllei, including its main and peripheral characters. Is that the same thing as representation? Utopie Concrète is quite self-concerned and very sophomoric, but I’ve been asked about it a few times so I thought I’d write an addendum to clarify my evolved thoughts on the topic of men who write women.

First, I think the Miyazaki quote from that essay is still very revealing:

At first, I thought “this is no longer the era of men…” But after ten years, I grew tired of saying that. I just say “because I like women.” That has more reality.

I think that’s the truth of it. I don’t think I depict women more often because I am a feminist doing feminist things but just that I like to draw women. I prefer their hair; their clothes. It’s not usually romantic (except for gem clerk, who I love), it’s more of an affection. But affection is still basically selfish.

I recall Andrea Chu from this 🔗essay, who is a trans woman:

The truth is, I have never been able to differentiate liking women from wanting to be like them.

I’m not trans, but as someone who draws women this rings true. It’s especially true because there’s a lot of me in Tzipora; in her eccentricities and strong opinions.

I don’t believe any man who draws women is doing so for feminist reasons. Who is gazing at who? That’s not to say it’s a bad thing, but I think it is obscene to think the male gaze could have any interior insights into womanhood. Tzipora has a lot of male psychology as a character, which is probably part of why she’s so unusual and eccentric. I think that’s nice, but she’s also not pretending to be an insight into the problems of a regular teenage girl. What would I know about that?

For these same reasons I don’t think Tzipora and Cobian’s complex relationship is good or worthwhile lesbian representation. It didn’t end up that way because I thought wouldn’t it be nice to recognise lesbians, but because Tzipora is a shame-filled person and in that context it made sense.

I am skeptical in general of any male person claiming to represent a gay female relationship. It is always an object of mystery and, sometimes (as in the yuri phenomenon) desire. It reminds me of A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, which was lauded by many for its gay male representation, despite Yanagihara being a cis woman. But it provoked quite 🔗intense outrage from others, because her characters were only gay insofar as they touched and loved each other. There was no relationship otherwise to speak of, and it was transparent Hanya was projecting her own desires (whether to nurture or punish) onto these characters.

I don’t think drawing women is the same thing as representing them. And I think most people understand that instinctively, because a preoccupation with depicting women implies that gaze I was talking about.

There’s nothing wrong with that, and I think people should be allowed to do what they want and write stories about who they like. But the idea of my girl characters who have some kind of romance between them being “feminist” or “lesbian representation” is just untrue because it obscures a more basic, emotional relationship I have with my characters. People who create things have something to say, and I have very little to say about the specific machinations of a relationship between two women. But I do have things to say about anxiety; interiority; regret, etc. It’s the same selfish instinct all creatives have.

With that said, characters have a life of their own, and each person who engages with a story has their own relationship with them. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone enjoying the relationships depicted in Vekllei; you can enjoy them or make jokes about them. It doesn’t bother me. I just wouldn’t claim to be trying to advance representation in these areas, since I don’t think I can and it’s not the purpose they serve.